The babysitter

"I'm so excited and I just can't hide it. I'm about to lose control and I think I like it." Not only are these the lyrics to a popular, early-1980s anthem by the heavy-metal trio "The Pointer Sisters," but it also pretty much sums up how I'm feeling right now. I usually write about stuff that happened in the past but today I'm going to try and wax poetic about the future.

You see, as I'm writing this, I am but  a mere two days from some vacation time from work. I'm like a little kid two days before Christmas. I have a whole laundry list of things I want to get done over the next week. Ironically, none of those things involve laundry. If I get a fraction of these items accomplished, it should be a fun time.

Let me tell you about the first thing that I'm going to do on this wild, devil-may-care furlough. I am accompanying my wife to Bloomington and/or Normal, Illinois where she will be attending a two-day, high-school business teachers conference. She goes to one of these just about every year and she thought it would be fun if I went with her this year. I figured, it's the first day of vacation, why not?

Upon first glance, this may not sound like a raucous, full-tilt adventure to you, but allow me to explain. My 20-year-old son goes to college in Bloomington and/or Normal, and I get to play with him and his buddies while my wife attends the conference. That's right, I get to become an honorary member of "Animal House" and it was all my wife's idea. I'm going to be like James Bond with a license to kill.

My wife has kept telling me that this will be a great chance for my son and I to bond. Also, she thinks that it it will be good for my son and his room-mates to have an older, more mature presence in the house to help them along the road to becoming rational-thinking young men. I have learned something from this line of thinking. I've been writing this semi-regular column for over two years now and apparently my wife has not read one of them. I couldn't figure out why she thinks that I will all of the sudden start speaking with a voice of reason.

And then, on the drive to work today, I had an epiphany. My wife doesn't really think that I'm going to be a guiding light to these young men. No, my son and his friends are the cheapest form of babysitting that my wife can find in the Bloomington and/or Normal area for a two-day period. Basically she's dropping me off with my son so I don't wander off and get into any trouble.

Now, I usually tend to believe that my wife is the intelligent one in our relationship, but I don't think that she has thought this one all the way through. Does it really seem like it's a good idea to have me babysat by a younger version of myself? He's too young to know any better and I'm too old to care. Add three other guys that are oblivious to common sense, and that's a recipe for disaster. A hilarious amount of disaster.

I remember what I was like when I was a 20-year-old college student and from that perspective, this is a horrible idea. When all this is said and done, I wouldn't be surprised if the Department of Human Services comes in and takes me away from my wife to place me in a home with more responsible care-givers.

As far as the next few days go, I can't wait to see what it's like to hang out with four guys half my age. If my memory is any good, I'm not sure that I will survive the festivities that are about to ensue, but I'll give it my best shot, at least until 7:30, maybe a quarter after 8:00. Ever since the time change, that's about the time that I'm ready for bed anymore.

By the time that most of you read this, I should be back and confined to the safety of my home. If not, I may need to raise enough bail money to get five guys out of the Bloomington and/or Normal jail. But don't worry, I'll pay you back. Since I have written about this excursion, I'm sure that it's all tax deductible.

The best part about this whole adventure is, no matter what happens over the next couple of days, I have all of next week to recover. So if you're not doing anything, come on over to my house and we can play. My other babysitter will be at work.

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Please be sure to check out my comic strip "Nothing is not Something" on the Go Comics website. You can find it by clicking here. The more subscribers I get, the better. Thank-you in advance.

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"Nothing is not Something" on GO Comics.
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